Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
