I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
