my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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