I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
