i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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