THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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