I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
