Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
