by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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