Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I party with great urgency now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
