i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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