How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who died my cat blue again?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
