im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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