Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
