Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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