I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
