What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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