if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
