normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
