Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
