Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
