Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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