Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
