I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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