your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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