Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
