Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
