hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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