im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
