How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
