i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
