Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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