My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
