I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
