He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
