Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My feet surprised me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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