hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
