oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
