You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
