YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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