I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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