As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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