Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
