i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
