so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
