You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
