You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
