Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
