You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
