I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
