i barfeds in our rink
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
