Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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