all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
