i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
