I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
