some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
