It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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