Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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